These are the real titles of the stock photos, because you can’t make this shit up.
1. “Dog DJ”
Zoonar / Getty Images
He only plays Lil Bow Wow.
2. “Caucasian bald mid adult identical twin men standing back to back yelling into ethernet cable”
Ron Chapple Stock / Getty Images
This is actually how the internet works — it’s just an ethernet cable hooked up to two white guys.
3. “Man’s face in pasta, closeup”
Nomadsoul1 / Getty Images
So is this a sexual fetish or…?
4. “Man with a cow’s tongue in his mouth”
Lofilolo / Getty Images
This person needs to go to jail for being criminally gross.
5. “Funny man eating his cereals in the bath”
Felixrenaud / Getty Images
Definitely sexual fetish.
6. “Senior woman with dog’s head and long hair”
Moodboard / Getty Images
So disturbing.
7. “Bad dreams”
Giorgiomtb1 / Getty Images
Congratulations! You’ll now be having nightmares for the next six months after seeing this creepy image.
8. “Dancing GMO chicken seated in a oven”
Smithore / Getty Images
If it’s dancing, at least it died happily?
9. “Head in food tray”
Nomadsoul1 / Getty Images
What?! What is this even supposed to illustrate?
10. “Senior woman dropping laptop from balcony”
John Lund / Getty Images
Yes, because all old people, when they can’t figure out the computer, always chuck it off a balcony. Makes perfect sense.
11. “Office Babe”
James Steidl / Getty Images
I can’t tell if this is an adult that looks like a baby or a baby that looks like an adult.
12. “Chopping fingers on cutting board”
Cathykeifer / Getty Images
Nope nope nope nope nope.
13. “Portrait of sexy blonde woman in lingerie drinking tea with pet owl beside”
Eyecandy Images / Getty Images
But why the owl??? Seriously. Since when are owls sexy?
14. “A caucasian grandma wearing glasses and a blue mu mu smiles while she holds up her bingo chart to show five x’s in a row”
Photodisc / Getty Images
Why you gotta go make grandma look like a Bratz doll?
15. “Man in bunny mask dancing in night club”
Michael Blann / Getty Images
He’s watching you…grinding.
16. “Float”
Bestdesigns / Getty Images
Practical invention for short people.
17. “Senior Sniffles”
Kriss Russell / Getty Images
There is literally no use for this photo that is not mean.
18. “View of a man in gorilla costume holding a cooking pan”
Eyecandy Images / Getty Images
This has no meaning. It must be random. If not, I am now very depressed.
19. “Dentist”
Gemenacom / Getty Images
Dentists are already scary, but seeing them from the INSIDE of the mouth? Shudder.
20. “Dolls embrace”
Halamka / Getty Images
Inappropriate.
21. “Heatstroke”
Giuseppeparisi / Getty Images
???????
22. “Strange man sticking out tongue”
Nomadsoul1 / Getty Images
Go home, stock photography. You’re drunk.